feel so bad

Don't know when it has started, i feel so bad deep down inside me, lend me ur hand pls! But every moment i see the shadow in me, it makes me stand up once again. somehow it doesn't give full recovery but just enable me to keep up. Its just to keep up, this feeling is so hurting, no words can describe, how long could i afford to stand like that til the end. I has yet to be on the track of higher position and hope for it. I was barely maintain and balance anything which is within my ability, this is not enough, not enough in having guts til the end. what's lack? :S